Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
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