Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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