yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
