I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
