Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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