Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
