college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so let's talk penis.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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