you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
