Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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