it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
