Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Panties = found
Randomize
