He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are we still banned from the library?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
