I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
