i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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