I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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