she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
