I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
