Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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