I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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