there's paper in my vomit.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
