I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
