I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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