in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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