how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
