loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
