Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
being pregnant is like rehab
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
