Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
