i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
