Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
