Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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