cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
