They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
