I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
