STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it was like having sex with a tree stump
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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