i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
