I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
