I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
