I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
