Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
