Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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