Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
