I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
