he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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