Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
