Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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