you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The best revenge is premature balding
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
