please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
