I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
not ubering you a puppy
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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