So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
they're like a gay fantastic four
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
