hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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