I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
