I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
