I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
