I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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