Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I supernannyed him into submission
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
